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Life....man....

Monday, April 17, 2006

Life.Is there really a time when you think your life is really going well?Well,If you got anxiety and previous depression problems like me it seems that it never will regardless of that which is good is going on. My anxiety is somewhat ridiculous but not an everyday occurance. And I'm always on the contast battle to fight getting depressed again. somedays I feel that dark cloud of overwhelming sadness come over me. When I do I reach for list of things to conquer so I can see the sun again. I literally have list from change toenail polish to go get aMCD's Yogurt Parfait to pop in a Madea play DVD.I'm one of these woman,unfortunately that doesn't want people to know i'm down or things are going on so tend hide it behind clothes and smile. But it doesn't work any more. I know God thinks I lot of me becauseI'm constantly walking through some storm. So if you see me in a full face of makeup, with a over the top outfit and high pitched voice, I ain't okay. Help me.:)

3 comments:

Brantoinette on 6:36 PM said...

Hey Chick!

Okay, can you please stop reading my mind already! Dang!

Girl, I dont know what it is...maybe being single moms of 2 boys?

I have learned to keep a smile on my face and to stay strong for them, too.

We are gonna make it, whatever God brings you to, he's gonna bring you through...hit me up if you ever need a private conversation!

Brantoinette@gmail.com

Alanna said...

Maybe you should stop with the lists. And the internet! I'm a 20 yr old college student and this year (my sophomore year) has been crazy. To-Do Lists and the Internet have consumed my life. I'm just trying to make it through these next two weeks of school and start fresh in the summer, with a new attitude. I don't know what your life is like, but try something new. Take a cheap trip somewhere with your sons. Um, I don't want to say buy a book...cuz through my depression this year, I would go sit in Borders and buy tons of books, now they are all sitting on my desk, unread. Which also contributes to the depression because I have tons of uncompleted things on my shoulders. I'm glad that you put it on your blog though because most of us are afraid to come out and admit their depression (especially black women). Please try to hold your head up (hire a maid if you need to!) and know that you have some sisters out here going through the same thing and we ARE supportive. Another thing, on Oprah the other day, stars revealed that the celebrity lifestyle is ALL an illusion. Maybe this doesn't pertain to you...but the media is definitely affecting how we view ourselves...not just black women but all women. We feel that we need to have this latest shoe, bag, lipgloss...to feel like we're moving. Start doing YOU! Go buy some paint, and paint one of your walls a pretty color...or keep fresh flowers around. I hope I could help a little. But know that you are NOT alone.

rebelleBAP on 6:51 AM said...

alanna,

thanks for your post.It is important that we as black women begin admit that depression its justnot the "blues" but a disease that needs to be talked about.I definetly not afraid to admit it because God sometimes allows things to happen to you in order for you to be a testimony to someone else. And I definetly know abt being 20 and a college sophomore! That was my hardest year in college.I make lists because and can get things off my mind because they cloud my mind! Some are fun some are serious some i want to throw away after i do them.:)I'm a Listmaniac!One thing did happen after I came out of my previous bout with depression was I found me.I found out that I was doing things like dressing a certain way or talking a certain way,or spending money i didn't have for acceptance.Yes, I still love to shop and hang out but i no longer do anything that is not for the good of my children and me. And being me is dressing casual,talking country,eating good,laughing loud,giving hugs,waving at people,slowing down when i drive( because everyone drives pretty slow here)andliving with the Spirit. keep me posted and keep yo head up!!!