1) I want pure, simple, unadulterated happiness. I can say for the record...I haven't been happy in years. Like insanely happy but I think that has to do with clinical depression. I'm not always "sick" but I want happiness more than anything. I think if I had it, I could progress. crazzzyyyyyy.....
2) I want a new, off the car lot, no miles car. I don't care if when I put it on the road it will lose value. I want it to be undriven with no miles, fresh, clean, papers still stuck to it CAR! I've never had a new car but since I was 13 I've had five cars...all used.
3)I want a vacation. gahhhhh......
4)I want a McDonald's Caramel Frappe but I'm trying to live my life right!
5)I want to get makeup/beauty product WASTED. lol! By what ever I want, when I want it.
6) I want to be successful in what ever my destiny leads into.
7) I want to MOVE from this bumpdy, ho-donk,slip sliding ASSSSS town. I want to us to leave here so bad I can TASTE it!
eh...that one stressful to come up with too...lol! This definitely a CHALLENGE.:)
It all started ok...Summer 2011 and my natural hair.....
But my highly porous, dry, length retention RETARDED hair...can't take much "manipulation" as they say on the hair boards. It's as delicate as it gets. My goal is chin length hair, naturally, no flat iron, no blow out. I've never had much hair anyway, even as a child, I never had "long hair". We won't start on my teenage years and my 20s....smh
So, I wanted to try all these "protective" styles these You Tube girls do this summer, where they pin up like four twists and it looks chic. Instead I look like Miss Celie....too country and I'm already country, chile. I wore my hair in a puff or twistout for about a month til Keisha started a Protective Hair Challenge. I decided to jump in because my hair was acting like it needed a break from doing nothing. *rolls eyes*
But, let's rewind.... My hair is probably a 4b or 4c, porous, tends to get dry and I have permanent hair loss on my sides from the abuse I put it thru when I was relaxed. Nothing will get it to grow back....and the looks and comments I get about my sides, you would think I had contagious hair loss disease.... I don't do braids or ANY KIND. No locs either..I don't believe my hair would be able to take them, the weight or manipulation. I look weird. I love a good wig and I would die for a sew-in with some good brazilian virgin remy right now!
So for the protective style challenge, I wear a wig. I can wear a wig in the summer...doesn't bother me, but I don't like it. I still wash weekly, moisturize and seal when wearing that wig. I won a Koils By Nature Sample set couple weeks ago and I have a flat iron review/giveaway on deck so I decided to try the products and the flat iron and let my hair out...well, that's what sent me into the spiral of hair mood swings...
Me wigging it out in 100 degree weather....
I blew my hair out and it looked like all the hard work of protective styling, DCing, moisturizing, ACV rinsing had done not a bit of good.:(
I felt and looked thin...and I discovered a spot of aloepecia I didn't know I had. How would I lose hair right there? Weird.
The flat ironing was even more horrid...My ends look beat to death. I know they are the oldest ends of my hair....they look like it. If I wanted to wear my hair straight...I would have to take off at least three inches. **HEAVY SIGH**
And the length....I haven't retained any!! I'm going in two years November and this is all I got!?? I hate my hair right now. I just do. I don't hate it enough to RELAXED it though....that's true digression for me.
That damn patch of hair...I don't even know how I LOST IT....:(
I'm just worn out. My hair is almost ungrateful. lol! You have to laugh about it. All the work and love I give it and its ungrateful as HELL.
I just needed to rant with a full pictorial of course.:)
Hell, give me some advice, some encouragement....I always hear that on the hair boards..."We are there for each other" *side eye* Give me my "TENS" as my gay guys friends say! lol!
Maybe I need to read some positive hair affirmations... *sigh*
My little hometown and county has been riddled with all kinds of bloodshed in the last couple of weeks...most of the crimes domestic violence related. These incidents have made me think of about my fears.
1) I fear my DEATH...that I would see it coming or it will be painful and long. I used to fear I would be killed in a airplane crash or die of a prolonged disease. All I can do is trust in God which is sometimes I fear in its self.
2) I fear losing my children. My boys were premature babies and I would sit by their incubators and beg God to not take them from me. I promised my life over for their health and prosperity...oh, what I promise I made. I fear that I'm not good enough sometimes and they will taken from me. I know, I'm just hard on myself, but that's what happens when you are gifted something or someone you had know idea you deserved.
3)I fear vomiting....OMG...when I think I need to throw up, I get the chills and start to cry. The fact that food is going come up out of me thru my mouth is scary.
4) I fear roller coasters. I worked at Carowinds for two seasons and I've seen cars get stuck up side down, rides get stuck at the top of the ride, people get off and the paramedics have to show up to calm them down...I don't need that kind of rush.
5) I fear my car breaking down. Now, you think I would be over that since my car is old and I know the routine of what to do when it does...but I hate being the side of road. And more than once, it has broken down with my children in the car( they were little). Unspeakable mental pain of being broken down in a raggedy car.
6)I fear poverty. I've been close to homelessness TWICE and if it wasn't for the fact that I had children and mother, I would be God knows where. Poverty DOES NOT discrimination. I'm smart, gifted, educated, a hard worker but I almost lost everything very quickly. DO NOT think because you have a savings, a back plan, credit cards, family money, good job that one day everything could be turned upside down. I was blessed I had somewhere to go and money tucked away. I've also witnessed people I would never guess be in hard financial times struggling...poverty knows no color or no status.
7) I fear depression. I've been in some very deep ditches of depression. I contemplated my death the entire year of 2006. Its a very real disease that sometimes people of my culture think can be cured with religion or ignored and it will go away. I was always depressed, it wasn't til' I became pregnant that it was acerbated by carrying two babies, relationship problems, poverty, the GREAT MOVE ( as I call it) of moving back to somewhere I knew nothing about anymore. Then there was post-partum...I often look at my kids baby photos trying to remember that first year. I never want to see those places in my life AGAIN.
8) I fear jail.:/ I'm a very law abiding citizen...I don't run red lights. I actually drive the speed limit and have the pristine driving record to show it. I've have a bad temper sometimes but I always think, I go jail, I lose my life. Its like alive and dead at the same time. I never ever want to go to jail for NOTHING.
Well, that was stressful! lol! Fears are a BITCH.:/
Of course I love my children and most of the time, my mother....but loving something or someone can be hard for me. I go hard on the loyalty...its almost a negative and can be a problem. I've been stuck in relationships, friendships, products for years because of loyalty. But are Loyalty and Love interchangeable? eh...discuss.:)
1) I love Buffalo Wing sauce. Pizza Hut's "Medium" sauce...mannnn....I could DRINK that stuff...What the hell is in it!??!
2) I love nail polish. This a hard love because I HATE expensive polish ( like in the $8, $9, $10 range) but I'm a slave to OPI.
3) I love the history of the interstate system, "dead malls", defunct retail stores, and supermarkets. The life of a quirky former history major.
4) I love thrifting but I LOVE new clothes. I will thrift because its fun, thrilling and necessary but I love the snap of a new tag coming off a shirt or scuff free shoes out of the box.
5) I love my Grandma aka Granny aka "Ms Ida Jane". She's been gone since 1996. I feel like she needs to be here. How would she feel about me being a mother and other things. She could cook, dress, cuss you out and never left the house without a fab pair of sunglasses.
6)I love Wikipedia and all of its untrue splendor. Ask any library assistant or librarian how they feel about Wikipedia. Coming from this former library assistant, it saved me alot of time from messing around in that dusty reference area.
7) I love the first day of school. I can't wait for it to come...its like Christmas Day!!!! I'm going drop them off soon as the doors open to that bitch. Yesssss!!!!
8) I love The Whispers...in case you don't know, they are a R&B group that's been performing since the 60s. I'm birthday mates with the two lead singers, its kismet. lol!
9) I love coffee. pressed. cream and sugar. maybe on ice. from Starbucks.
I saw this challenge on The Blarkness Chronicles and thought it would be fun because I'm serious uninspired for posts these days. Blame it on the Mid-July-heatwave-hell of summer I'm having.:( It always happens around this time of year, things get so rough for me. I can recall in summer craziness in the last 15 years around mid-July, real talk.
First up....Ten Secrets:))
1) I drive long distances with my iPod on, earbuds in. I don't have working speakers in my car so there no music, so when I have to drive a bit of distance, say to the next city over, I listen to the music or podcasts on my iPod. I'm sure there is a SC state law against that. There is a SC state law against EVERYTHING.
2) I hate home pedicures. I rather go and spend $25 on mediocre one at a nail salon. I thought about doing post on home pedis but I hate them.
3)Quite as its kept....I don't like generic brand food. Nope. Doesn't taste the same.
4) Chicken wings are my favorite food. I could be a vegetarian if I could kick that chicken wing habit.
5)I love men in striped polo shirts. lol!
6)I get told that my real nails look like acrylics...really?
7) I really dislike what's on TV these days. Seriously, every show SUCKS.
8)I love to watch corny black romance comedy DVDs. My favorite one is Hav Plenty...so 90s:)
9) I'm in love with Sonic..I love that place sooo much, always have!
10)I'm starting to read books again, trying catch that bug again of sitting and knocking out reads in a day or two.
Is this OOTD?!? Yes it is! I thought since I get so many thrifted goodies, I would show I how I wear them. I used to do a "BigGyrl fab OOTD" couple years ago but kinda fell off. I need a Fashion Blogger tutorial on taking fab pics of yourself. lol!
***I LOVE TO SAMPLE and REVIEW PRODUCTS ***If you have a product you would like for me to review and sample, please send me an email to email@example.com and include press release info and photos!!! Thanks!!! Jamie